I've been thinking over the past few days about the different realms in which we find community. I've written elsewhere about the four different spaces we find community (Public, social, personal and intimate) and how they are all important at different seasons of life. But recently, I've recognized another distinction within these four spaces.
When we look at the public and social spaces of community, the gathering seems to unify mostly around the "purpose" of being there. For example, when you have 100,000 football fans at Jerry-world, the reason so many gather is generally for the same purpose - to see the Cowboys destroy the competition. Move down the community spectrum to the social realm and again, you find a community gathered for a similar purpose - to meet people and find new friends. (Think about your cool bar scene - a really cool one that everyone wants to be at.). These spaces of community draw people based on their purpose for existing.
But something different happens when you cross over to the Personal and Intimate spaces of community. Here, it is not the purpose that is the ultimate unifier of the group, but the people who cause community to stick. An example would be a small group in the large. A small group gathers with usually 5-20 people to study the Bible, care for each other, and some may even have a missional component. (Check out the small groups at Fellowship Dallas.) But here's the deal, a small group can have a great mission and be serving and making a difference, but if the people are jerks, socially awkward and just flat out people you would not choose to hang out with - that Small group isn't going to work. The same goes for the secular "local bar" where everyone knows your name. If those people keep calling you Norm but your name is Nick, you likely won't be sticking around to long. Move down the community spectrum to those intimate relationships in your life - the spouse or girlfriend. If you try to base these relationship just on the purpose of being together, your romance life is going to suck! I've heard well meaning pastor's suggest that a young man should enter marriage only if he truly believes that he can not serve God being single. Give me a break! Can you imagine telling your wife, "I love you for they way you make me more able to participate in the mission God has for me?" That sure sounds like a fun time of the misses. Intimate relationships of course are about the people we are intimate with.
Understanding these two distinctions, I think, will help all of us better use these spaces more effectively and more purposefully. Let's not try and make Public space a place where intimacy is the cultural norm - that's weird. And likewise, let's not turn our personal and intimate spaces of community based only on mission statements void of the recognition authentic community requires.
More to come on this topic at The Awakening on October 5th.
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